Release Writing

I feel like not remembering,
Has made is easier to move on
I feel like not crying,
Has made it all the less painful
I feel like not knowing,
Has made it easier to forget

Maybe I’ve grown numb to the heart break
But running away from it is my only solution

I don’t want to remember you
Or anything that I loved about you
I don’t want to remember your scent,
That filled the room when you walked in
Or the way you laugh or smiled when we lay together
I don’t want to remember the way you kissed me
Or the warmth of your body when you held me at night
I cannot miss you.
You are not here.

I don’t want to cry anymore
Salted tears that burned my face
I craved them
I craved you
But these tears make me miss your presence
They make me fear the loneliness
They drive me to great walls of dependency
An insanity like I’m nothing without you
But I am Everything.
I do not need you.

I don’t want to know
Know what you’re doing
Or where you are
Curiosity killed the cat
And my heart cannot die anymore
You can now go on to do the life you’ve always wanted
And I will go onto everything I’ve always wanted
There is no Us.
You are not mine.

What I hold onto now is only the pain I felt
I recall the lies you told me
The women you met behind my back
The feeling of looking in the mirror and feeling worthless
I remember the names you called me
The way you treated me
Cold shoulders
Things far surpassing the good
My memory of you is you walking out that door
Never to return
I never wanted you gone for good
But when you never cared enough to turn around and fix the things you had done,
I knew.
2009 was fairytales ago and a man I thought had loved me,
No longer did.
You held onto this idea for so long when deep down you knew you could not love me.

I do not hate you
There will always be a place for you in my heart,
But it’s time for me to go on.
Remember me.
Like the wind
Hear my voice all around you in quiet whispers
Like a distant echo
Hear my voice
The voice of a women who loved you entirely

And just like the wind,
I am gone.

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