The girl I once knew is a miniature version of herself sitting at the pit of her own being.
Her screams echo in the vastness of this shell she used to call her body.
The mind she once knew is the distance away it would take to climb Mount Everest.
Only each day a record blizzard blares away making the slightest step impossible.
love
Her
Her with her demure smile.
Quiet.
You couldn’t imagine a word she’d say.
Wholesome.
Modest.
She carries herself like there were pins under her feet.
Her posture was skyscrapers sweeping the clouds.
If you opened her up, you’d think she’d open like a lily on a spring morning.
Incandescent floral tissue paper fragrant with roses.
Her insides would be paper maché and origami.
How you’d imagine the star student’s notebook,
Heart dotted i’s, highlighter for every section, cursive that told you love stories.
Elegant.
Voice, a symphony of every beautiful thing you could imagine.
Songbirds, an ocean wave, the wind through summer leaves.
Raw
I know what that means now.
The contents of my mind spilled out on the floor
The darkest parts of my insides
My deepest thoughts
Sawed open
A personal display for your enjoyment
Memories turn pile of guts
My baggage the blood you wear on your hands.
The Space for Me
Today, our first anniversary spent alone.
The scent of you lingers on the cold side of my bed.
I can’t explain the duality of loving you and not wanting to hurt.
Knowing what is right and what’s wrong.
A lot of what I say I think gets lost in translation.
I wish there were a way for you to plug into my mind to understand the thoughts that lay beneath my eyes.
I feel like a mountain climber climbing to the top of a plateau in search of a peak that doesn’t exist.
But hopeful as I ever am,
I will pursue expeditions that seem so far impossible to find a space in this life where you and I exist in harmony.
Human.
I want to get lost in conversations with perfect strangers.
Talk until the moon is chased away by the sun.
Connect the stars like they were pictures.
Exchange similarities as if relating was a currency.
Theorize the meaning of life like we were philosophers in the year 600.
I want to make sense of it all and have it make no sense at all.
Life is a riddle that shouldn’t be solved.
I want our connectedness to be the only thing.
Emotions we share as humans.
Yearning to feel it all.
Love.
The strings that link us together.
Nerves in a nervous system. One body.
An endless web of souls interconnected.
The surge of energy running through our veins.
Elated, floating, bubbling with happiness.
I want to share the things that make us hurt.
make us laugh.
make us full.
Laugh until we cry,
Then cry until we hug.
Hold each other’s trauma in tender arms.
I want to live a life that’s a constant reminder of what it means to be a human.
Your Music.
Beside the oak tree
A picnic for two
Romantic gestures
A girl could melt in your flowers
A home cooked meal
My heart twisted like your fusilli pasta
I don’t drink wine
But you poured it
You speak pure eloquence
I lay out on a luxuriant bed of flowers
I listen intently
Your mouth a composer
The words are music
I am begging to be your conductor
The orchestra erupts
And I long to be wrapped in your melody
Cradled in this symphony
Your words become the curtain over my eyes
Suddenly I am teetering on the edge of a cliff
Hanging on to the edges of your words
The shards of punctuation stab my fingertips
Holding onto your words is starting to feel like life and death
“I heard you.”
“I’m listening.”
You held my hurt in the palm of your hand
You made it feel small
Nestled it in your arms promising protection
Words and Words
Rehearsed and Repeated
Meaningless music to manipulate
You gave me a foot and I only took an inch
Which is still precisely 1.54 cm more than anyone has ever given me
I’m an intoxicated mess
High off the words you’ve injected into my veins
A musical pulse beating through me
A man who probed me for my wounds
I am having withdrawals from all the things you’ve said to me
I am sick.
Addicted to your words
Your music
Melodic lies that have encased my brain
I can’t tell if you’re a musician or a magician
I have fallen for your tricks
I will be drowning at your concert.
Our Story
I’ll never know if I’ll ever love someone as much as I Loved You.
The way we opened to each other
Was like a never ending Story
Though it ended I still feel as if I can relive it each day.
I can jump through the pages,
Laying next to You
Late nights
Early mornings
Your fragrance
The room
The feeling
The crisp air
Sweet incandescence
Sun shining through the windows
It’s like I never left.
Embodying timeless emotions
Traveling back through seasons but always with You
I find myself ripping through all the feelings again.
The agony.
The heartbreak.
The pain.
The soul aching pain.
And then it comes.
The Contrast.
But oh the contrast
The deepest hues of all contrast
The love tearing back through me
Your lips
Your hands holding my face
And the tears come
Perched upon my lip
But you tell me you love me.
You say you’ll never love anyone the way you Love Me.
You embrace me for that moment.
And here the Universe opens up
We Are.
The sweet beauty of it all
Like we always were.
These endless moments
I love you
New
I used to be deeply saddened by the things I could not control.
Routine is my enemy.
The old and reused feel like endless cycles of misery in my head.
They said find the fun, look for the beautiful.
Well that’s just it.
The beautiful is the new.
At least for me.
Something I’ve never done something I’ve never seen.
I need new everyday and every second.
I want to inhale the world and exhale the ideas.
I used to feel ashamed
For craving the newest of all experiences
Selfish
Childish
But I realized there was nothing wrong with yearning the unconventional
We desire what we desire to put out
I do not desire to put out the normal
The routine.
The everyday
I only desire to put what hasn’t been done.
What hasn’t been made.
And what hasn’t been experienced.
I am a creator
A creator that creates the New
Hate in the Defense
We’re often pained by all these words
All the things that we have heard
As one thing is said
The next one’s spread
These marks we tread
Just go to the head
Out of woe we strike back
Planning our attack
We target what they lack
Until we hope, they crack
Now what? Search and destroy
These “tactics” we deploy
Centered around sorrow and hate
We push, pull, and discriminate
Adverting to their actions
We split like factions
Identifying their envy and pain
Defending ourselves in vain
In attempt for personal gain
When all it does is drain
Realize to be the change
Reactions that are not a chain
Hating haters is hating too
So really then, who are you?
In The End Of Time
I’ll be here in the end of time,
Waiting for the thought of existence.
Me and you will be the only two,
As the earth burns and the stars disintegrate.
The universe will be perishing,
But our love so strong will be with held.
Holding me close to your chest,
Your heartbeat shakes the galaxy.
Skies fall around us in the fire red sky.
Your eyes burn bright with love.
This love so powerful shines in the black of nothing.
There is no more; I’ll love you till the end of time.
Absolute light getting sucked into the black hole.
We stand motionless and unmoved.
Forever our souls yearn for attachment,
With our love never weakening.
Just us two, nothing else.
We are left.
Love remains…
KelseyRoseKnows 