The girl I once knew is a miniature version of herself sitting at the pit of her own being.
Her screams echo in the vastness of this shell she used to call her body.
The mind she once knew is the distance away it would take to climb Mount Everest.
Only each day a record blizzard blares away making the slightest step impossible.

She peers through glass eyes looking through the window of a life she thought she knew.
In a distance memory she recalls a world full of sunshine and splendor.
But now, through the looking glass,
The illusion of that beauty now dissipates.
A world of burning flames and ashes is all that’s left.
Looking down at her hands she holds the fuel and the matches.
Her own existence a mere reflection of the creation of destruction.

You and try and run from darkness for so long,
But eventually it captures you.
Swallowing you into the depths of yourself.
Therapy seems full of loaded promises.
The only promise sits at the tip of a razor blade or the point of a bullet,
The center of a pill.
A promise to end the constant tug of war in my head,
The burden I’ve left this world and everyone I’ve ever loved.
What promise could I ever leave this world…

I feel the rope unraveling reaching out to find myself,
But always over again the rope is a few feet too short.
With nothing to grab and nowhere to go,
I shrivel further inside myself…
Until everything I thought I knew about myself melts into the edges of my shell.

Where is this girl…
Where has she gone…
What’s death when I’m already dead inside
To spend a lifetime searching or go with her into the emptiness.
Be forever gone instead of forever lost.
A choice I’m no longer willing to contemplate.

Gone Girl.
Go.
Go to where you think you belong.